Time to be Mean to “Fat Girls”

Some shows never get the time they deserve from me – they come on at times I can’t watch, they don’t do enough to interest me as a viewer, they’re of a certain type of show (reality TV and contest shows) that don’t appeal to me, etc.  Comedies fall hard on this list – it’s just really hard for me to get into a comedy of any type without stumbling on it by accident, no matter if it’s a movie or a TV show.  There are a lot of popular comedies – Seinfeld, Everybody Loves Raymond, Friends – that only get me busting my gut for a few minutes, and that’s it.  The shows themselves aren’t bad, but they don’t do enough to need immediate weekly attention, and although I won’t turn them off immediately, I also won’t go out of my way to watch them, either.

This sometimes creates problems with relating to other people and what is popular to discuss in the moment – after all, it’s hard to talk about an episode’s topic when you’ve not watched the episode.

I say all of this to help you understand:  I’ve seen bits and pieces of the clip above in the news plenty of times since it aired, and it came up today in Entertainment Weekly’s 50 best scenes of the season.  I’ve seen the scene now, all 7+ minutes of it, but not the full episode, or any episodes before or after it.  Because of this, I apologize in advance if my commentary is out of context with what she was communicating there – I did the best I could to legally catch up on the episode; however, until I get Netflix and Hulu back, I’m just going to have to do with this.

One more thing worth noting:  I don’t speak for anyone but myself – I’m not speaking on behalf of any guys, whether they’re white, nerdy, or fat.  Likewise, they do not speak for me.  If you disagree with me, or dislike what I have to say, take it out on me, not anyone else.  Same thing if you agree with what I have to say.  I only speak for myself.

I’m going to start with this bit first: Not all of you are fat.  Some of you are, undeniably, obese and truly are fat, but let’s get something straight:  just because you have a little pudge or don’t look like a supermodel, that doesn’t make you fat.  Sarah Baker, who made this commentary, is fat:  She has an unhealthy amount of excess weight, as do I.  If you’re within 50-60 lbs of your weight (for tall women, take the average of the 60), you’re not fat, and you really need to stop calling yourself that.  It’s an insult to me when you do, which means you’re probably insulting others as well.

Another thing to all women out there:  Blame yourselves for this mess.  I was always taught from a young age to treat women with respect and make them feel beautiful – and considering what I’ve seen, so have a lot of other men.  The actions some of you take, as well as the way the media portrays your reaction when we remotely try to be honest to questions such as “Does this ____ make my ______ look fat?” makes it difficult to trust that we ever give the right answer, EVEN WHEN we are saying what we feel.  I’m not going to get into a discussion of if an outfit looks fat on you, no matter what size you are.

Which brings me to the main point I want to discuss:  Do what is best for you, but don’t expect others to do it for you.   If you’re honestly happy being a plump and chubby girl, stay the way you are and enjoy life.   If you’re unhappy with it, do something about it.  (Before you start in with any nonsense of “I can’t”:  YOU are the only one who can, and while it may not be easy or fast, the only real way it’s not possible is to be dead.)  There’s no where in life where it is written that anyone needs or has to like or accept you – people choose to like or dislike, give a chance or pass on you of their own accord.

I get what she’s trying to say:  She wants a normal, honest, meaningful relationship with someone who actually wants to be with her.  All of us should want that, whether we’re the best looking people on the planet or the worst.  She doesn’t want to be treated differently, or to be ignored or rejected as often as she is, because she’s fat.  I get it – because I feel the same way.  Sad to say, she’s right.

However, there’s the other side of the coin – The side in which we are in control of who we are.  We can’t always control how other people act or react, but we can influence what direction they can go.  We might not be able to get someone to truly like us, but we can like and make ourselves happy.  That’s a hard lesson to learn – but once you do, you find others, like-minded, who will want to join in with you.  That’s always a cool thing.

BTW, Not all of us guys are comfortable with flirting or asking women out, regardless of size.  Sometimes it’s us being uncomfortable with ourselves, sometimes it’s the obstacles in the way of things in our lives – point being, it’s not always you.  I leave myself open to respond to others, but I know now what my limits are and what I can do about them.  I’m probably never going to ask a girl out, not because of anything wrong with her, but because I’ll never be ready to.  I’ll probably even shoot some down for that same reason.  Don’t get hung up if I reject you – sometimes what we want and what is best are two different things, and I can only choose to do one.

Okay, done ranting.  Excellent piece – I’ll probably watch the show more when I get things grounded.

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