All Mixed Up, Don’t Know What To Do…

My apologies on my tardiness on Tuesday – I have not got a good excuse. A lot of ground of go through, though, so let’s not schilly-schally dilly-dally.

Biggest Loser: I had two notes set up to blow something out of proportion – one for if things changed, and one for things didn’t. Skip that – What needs to be said doesn’t need a full post.

I have not heard from anyone involved with the Biggest Loser, and at this point, I am waiting no longer. While I can point fingers and say “this is why I didn’t make it,” here’s one reality that’s been there the whole time: I was not the only one who was going to audition. There is a reason why this was going to be the fourth season, and as a result, why I had to do something outstanding to be on it. Which, to me is the most important reason why I did not make the show: No one noticed me standing out amongst the thousands of entries they probably received each day, Nothing to make them say, “Wayne Winquist Needs to be here” or “We want Wayne Winquist.” I was just another needy soul amongst thousands of needy souls.

I am not ashamed by this, though. Thanks to doing this, friends I have long thought to be simply “online” friends came out and showed there true colors, people who’ve been behind me this whole time became ralliers for my cause, and -the biggest surprise of all – people surprised me in how they wanted to help me. If I had made the show, I had little confidence in what I could do; I never would have known how much support (or how big the party would have been) had I made it and won. Thank you.

If the opportunity does knock, and they give me a chance anyways, I’ll jump at the chance, but I have to be realistic about the slim chances of making it there. Maybe next time I’ll do better on another show.

The goal right now is to “not” make the show next year, as well – for a different reason. I won’t lie that it would be awesome to meet Bob, Kim, Carolyne, and the rest of the crew on that show who stirred my interest in wanting to be there, but truth be told, I want to lose the weight This year. Therefore, I can’t enter the show and expect to make it if I’m a skinnybutt! LOL

Changes in my Professional Life: Starting on Monday, I will be on First shift. The reason, work-wise, why I am doing this is to conform to the normal schedule, thus eliminating the number of attendance problems I have as a result of relying on public transportation. There are a few more reasons, however, I want people to know – and understand – why I am doing this.

  • Health: Ever since returning to work this year, I have been feeling miserable, depressed and bad. Some days I would be exhausted, either because I work so much at work and home that I would get very little sleep; other times, I’d take it out on undeserving people, either by bitching about small things/problems. The thing with a certain coworker a couple of weeks ago was the alarm point for me: not only did I not belong in that situation, I never should have let myself lose my cool to get to that point in the first place!

    Looking back to a few years ago, I was in a different mood: it was going to be the season where I was going to get full-time or I was going to quit. I was going to get my license back, I was going to straighten up my life, I was going to do my damnedest to get noticed – or I was going to turn my back on everyone and everything to pursue my dreams, hell-be-damned. I think it was how I approached things that things started so high.

    So when people I trusted and liked moved to different areas, more was being asked without the promise of being around another summer, the lack of license and mounting of personal problems racked up, the roots of my depression were taking shape. By the time I was finally laid off, I had the buildup to keep me into an emotional wreck for the full time I was laid off: No accomplishment to show for it other than the respect of my peers and coworkers.

    My physical health suffers greatly from my mental health, and vice versa. If I am going to win – lose the weight, get back my life – I have to change my life when both opportunity and reason call.

  • Opportunity: Speaking of, one of the coworkers I trust most gave me a darn good reason that took a while to sink in. It’s easy for someone to look at numbers, to have one or two rallying voices, because no one else could see what I was doing. I’m trying to go for positions to which no one knows whether I am really qualified as I believe myself to be, without the proof that others – those in the position to make such recommendations and hire people into places – can look at. By being around with them, I might be able to have that opportunity to show them some things about me they might not be able to see, how I deal with problems, etc.
  • Change: Almost all of my working life has been spent working with night-owls. That’s great when you’re going up in the world, but not so great when your life is stuck in a constant rut. It doesn’t allow me to deal with fears that stay persistent with me, to learn and adapt to things that happen only during the times I sleep, allow me to live a normal life – my life being abnormal is not much of a life. I got stuck into my own personal rut, and I really do need to change.

When my life is back in order, barring any job that prevents me to work a second or third shift, or life changes that do the same thing, I will return to second shift, because as far as I am concerned, second shift is far more relaxing to work. Right now, I need take a new spin and see where this leads.

Asking for Help: One of the benefits from this change will be that I will finally have opportunity to work out – a necessity if I plan to lose my life-long-flabber-belly. I’ve had a plan for this, so now is the time to enact it.

On Friday/Saturday this weekend, I plan to spend the money to return to the downtown YMCA. the obvious reason is proximity: I live downtown, so there’s no sense in trying to go someplace out-of-my-way.

Starting Monday, I am going to try to get on – and stick to – a regular workout schedule. I asked for people before to help me out, give me work outs, etc. Now is the time.

Anyone who is interested in swimming, lifting weights, shooting hoops, walking/bicycling, a little aerobic, and a lot of competitive fun, message me, ask some questions, etc. One of the things I dislike most about myself is I don’t allow myself to have fun, and that’s what I want now. If you’re interested in me, You all have my contact info – reach me. (Or, just meet me at the YMCA around 6.)

Sunday: Just a quick note to those planning to show: You’re paying for yourself. I may chip in for a Pizza, but it’s pretty much you-pay-for-yourself. This is an open invite to everyone on here and in real life for a night of fun. See ya soon!

Mo’ Later!

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