Saturday Night Blues

A fair warning: If you’re sick of me feeling depressed and sorry for myself, move along, there’s nothing here for you. For the rest of you, some more insight into my madness.

I got on the bus, and went to the back – it was going to be a while before I got off of there, so I could sit in back and read, not be disturbed. A woman who was a little chubby but didn’t look too bad got on sat a few seats away, and she had a kid that definitely would give a lot more thought to me as the night wore on. (I will note now, due only to the circumstances and experiences that I have had, that the woman was white, and the kid was mixed – the dad either was mexican or black.)

This kid was an adorable little guy, the kind of kid most people would be hard-pressed not to go “awww…” I chuckled a few times as he tried to play with the guy behind him, who I think was on the way to work. If I were to guess his age, I’d say at most he had to be three.

We got up to Lynmar (over by Don Carter Lanes on east State, for those not familiar with the names of the side streets in that area), where the bus sat for a few minutes. (There’s about 3 stops on East state where a bus can sit like this if it is running a couple of minutes ahead of schedule: there, Mulford Village – aka K’s Merchandise, and Lyford Road Greyhound/Subway/Gas Station past I-90.) It was there the little guy decided that the cable on this bus, one of the two systems installed on the busses in this area to let the driver know you want off, made a great toy. He’d reach up and yank down, all the while his mom saying “no,” “stop,” and so on. After that she moved directly across from me (Pretty face, UGLY makeup), where he continued after realizing how easy it would be to do the same thing there. Then they move to the bunch in Front of mine, where he decided that underneath the bench is a good hiding spot.

Me, being the guy I am, tried to be a good distraction for him. Unfortunately, my understanding of baby talk is not so good, so I was sounding like a pet owner to a dog or cat. (At least, that’s what it sounded like to me.) I tried a few times and got nowhere with this, so I went back to reading.

The thing I noticed was the more playful he got, the more pissed off his mom got – I’m almost certain he got his butt spanked at Wal-mart, where the dropped off, after cried from the middle of Forest Plaza on. Whatever cute visions I had of her were completely gone at this point.

I dropped at Subway across from I-90, short and well past the intended drop point. (I was originally planning to go to borders, as I had planned the night before.) Had an Italian somethingorother (It’s the #5 on the menu), sat and read for a while, even IMmed a friend I met online through Mate1. (If you only knew the dirty mind I have… muwhahahaha! LOL) Went up to Showplace 16.

I saw “The Pursuit of Happyness” last night, featuring Will Smith and his son. (For those who have the Five Buck Club card, use it – it’s worth it!) The film is based on the true story of a man named Chris Gardner, a guy who went from struggling to support his wife (played by Thandie Newton, who I first saw in the second Mission:Impossible film and one of the best films last year, Crash) and his kid, played by his real life son, to a homeless intern of Dean Witter whose wife left him to return to New York. He struggled to do everything to make sure he was a part of his sons life, even as everything went down hill, from his wife leaving to his first and second evictions from places, to fighting to get a spot at the homeless shelter for his kid and him.

Before anyone bitches about me giving away the ending, let me state this for an interesting point: Will Smith, who was an executive producer on the film, fought to get this film off the ground after seeing an interview on ABC’s 20/20 a couple of years ago, and was recently newly interviewed, along with Will, for the promos for the film on ABC again. They don’t make or waste film on ordinary people, so if you can’t figure out the ending before even seeing this film, then I seriously doubt you’ll pull anything from me either. That said, this is the type of film that, even knowing the ending, it’s still a great film to go and see, because you want to know how this story got from its sad start to it’s ending. You want to know how Chris and his son survived all of their hardship to climb out and do well.

The rest of the night was pretty uneventful: Dinner at Little Sicily’s, stop at Mobil, Side Salad at Denny’s. A nice, quiet, peaceful night where I didn’t have to deal with too many drunks. The only really noteworthy thing was my reading grabbing the attention of a cute but again chubby drunk woman and her friend. (Cute, in this case, being in similar fashion to the other girl – You wouldn’t mind hanging around them, but there’d have to be qualities to her to ask her out – of which, if she had any, she certainly can not keep while intoxicated.)

So why, on this boring and mundane night, did any of this make me depressed?

  1. I realized that, until a kid is old enough to talk and understand, I would be bad at being a father. Yes, the kid on the bus is what made me think of this, though there are plenty of times in the past, with other friends and strangers kids have made me think this as well. I would have absolutely no clue what to do, and I never had any of the child-raising courses in high school or college to help me out in this, if there were any.
  2. An addendum to the first thing: Someone should make a course like this in High School and for college, and make it mandatory for every potential parent to take once.
  3. I had seen yet another type of girl I could never date or marry: the type like the woman on the bus. She was young, but in this case age had nothing to do with it. She yelled at him a lot to quit, knock it off, behave, sit still, etc. Nowhere was she trying to keep the kid occupied so that he did sit in his seat, and the fact that she threatened to “whip his ass” once they got off while they were on the bus more than once told me that this kid should not be in her hands. I may have little to no child-raising experience, but I have enough knowledge to know that the best thing to do for a kid like this is to give him something to keep himself occupied – he was bored and wanted attention, so he did everything he kid to get it. And he did.
  4. Part of the reason why I liked the film is that I can identify with Will Smith’s character. As he says at the beginning of the film, his character did not meet his dad until he was 28, and he promised well before that to be a part of his kid’s life. To me, I can respect that a lot, having my own experience. The fact that he struggled the way he did to achieve success while trying to raise his kid is something that all men should do. The mom, whose reasoning, while understandable, was in my opinion a spineless woman who deserves to never see her kid again, is that same father that Will’s character loses. (It’s one of the few films that, more because of circumstance than it actually being THAT good, came close to getting me to shed a few tears.)
  5. That the more I see what people do on their weekends, to socialize and go out, makes me less inclined to WANT to find someone. I hate the idea that, in order to find someone, you have to go through a bar or pub, get drunk and act stupid, just in order to have someone to be with at night. I hate the idea that, if you don’t go to these places, your options are limited, and in so doing, doesn’t leave you with what you want either. I’m beginning to believe that I always meant to be alone, as my tolerance for this type of behavior, which was low in the first place, is going to keep me alone.

Anyways, I’m off to bed – more later!


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