What I’m Thankful For…

There’s always one thing that annoys me about holidays: people always feel the need to write about how they feel about a holiday BEFORE the holiday actually happens. While it’s necessary in some cases for people to do this – newspapers and magazines, where they have a print time to meet, for example – some of the bloggers I see do it as well. Many of them I do not regularly read.

The reason why I feel this way, I hope, you can pick up in what I have to say below about my Thanksgiving.

If any of you were in my area – and the majority of the friends on MySpace are – you already know we had an unusually nice day. Most of the Thanksgivings I remember had us inside, not outside for any part of it. But, with it being nice – sunny and comfortable enough to take off my jacket outside for a bit – yesterday was the perfect excuse to deviate.

So, after getting up and watching TV, getting ready to go to my sister’s house, I found out the first bit of bad news: The elevator is jammed up higher than my floor. You can see the inside gate, but it’s obviously up higher than it’s supposed to be. this wouldn’t be much of an issue if it weren’t for the fact that I live on the top floor of my building, and that whatever caused it to happen pretty much guaranteed that the elevator was not going to work today. Bright side: I am learning about this around noon and not at 9/10 when my mood is going to be so foul that I am going to want to cuss someone out for it. (Trust me: the last thing you want to do when you get home is carry bags up five flights of steps because someone who either doesn’t live in the building or doesn’t care/forgot about who lives in the building left the doors open. This, of course, could easily be solved by installing a real – read: modern, with automatic doors – but then you lose the character of the elevator itself – which, considering the shape it’s in, wouldn’t be such a bad thing.)

So I walk down the first flight of steps to check the elevator,figuring there may be a small but futile chance of calling the car down to get it to work again. (The gate was closed, so the only thing preventing me from opening the door was the fact that the car was higher than the latch keeping the outer door closed.) Didn’t work, but ran into a neighbor there whose name I won’t utter but who is one of the crackheads I described in my last posting. (She’s the type you don’t let into your place because she will rob you blind even with the doors double locked – the only saving grace is that she’s a nice woman when sober. The problem: she’s rarely ever sober.) She offered to pay me to use my phone – something I didn’t let happen. (It’s easy for me to hurt people when I catch them. The problem, of course, is catching them.)

Afer I get downstairs and wait a few minutes, I head back inside and start reading. It get’s to 12:30, and no sign of my ride, so I call my mom, who tells me no one was coming yet. I told her I was going to head to Beattie Park, which I did, sitting on the bench by the corner of North Main Street and Park Avenue.

Needless to say, i don’t think I arrived there until 1:30 – Dave (My sister’s Fiancee) picked me up around 1.

After I arrived I figured I’d have a little bit of fun, so I went outside to play with my sister’s dogs Toby (a black lab named after country singer Toby Keith) and Samson (the newer dog – couldn’t tell you it’s type or anything like that). Toby was a good dog to play with, going after everything I threw – even the bone I originally threw before he brought the ball. Samson, on the other, had one target in mind: Toby. Samson would chase after the target I threw, but he wasn’t going for the object, he wanted to make sure Toby didn’t get it. Stupid gay dog – LOL.

After that, we ate. My sister gave me a little diatribe about how I’m going to die from having another plate. Here’s someone whose worst physical feature is the small pouch that she thinks she has (Believe me when I say this: When your co-workers are wanting you to ditch her fianceee and hook them up with her, I don’t think they even notice or care about that thing), there is little room that I think she has room to complain about.

After we ate, we watched some dumb show about a real estate agency in Hollywood that sells only to the rich and famous. (It’s on VH-1, so you may know what I am talking about.) Catherine made some comment about how she shouldn’t watch shows like this that remind her of what she’ll never had. I agreed silently, but wished I could win one of the super big – as in a couple of hundred of million – to afford something designed like those homes for my family and friends. (If you knew what I had in mind, you’d understand that yes, it’d take a while, but it could be done.)

After a couple of hours of this, I decided to go for a walk. I figured this time ‘d take the part of the road I hadn’t been on in a long time and headed towards Alpine. I got halfway around and I could remember the times when I took those backroads home from School, back when I used to bike every place and believed that I couldn’t drive. I’d mention something about hindsight, but I have to wonder: had I earned my license, or had I drove in high school, would that make me appreciate those times on my bike less or more? What about my driving, how would I appreciate that?

Had to cut the walk short because – like most walks lately – I needed to hit the rest room in a hurry. That meant, unfortunately, that I didn’t have a chance to run into any of the people I had hoped to see. (Yes, I could have emailed them, but I decided to do it on a whim, without knowing if they would be around.) That also meant having to cut through some people’s yards – if you’re reading this and you had seen me cut through your yard, I apologize, as this was the reason why.

After a few more hours, some pie and that, finally got to go home, where I could climb the five flights of doom to reach my bed. Needless to say, I haven’t been out since then.

So what am I thankful for?

  • I’m thankful that, for all of my faults and flaws, most of the things I dislike about myself I can still fix. The crackhead I described earlier wasn’t always a ddicted to things, though I believe she might have been mentally unstable prior to doing those things to begin with. Almost everything on me is intact, and although I’ll never be pro quarterbck of the year for any major football team, I believe that if I were to get healthy I could actually be a halfway decent athlete. Not to mention that if I go back to school the possibilities go up from there. I may never become an elite person, but there’s nothing stopping me from any of the lives I may want to live, good or bad.
  • I’m thankful to still be able to enjoy a good sunny afternoon, and to appreciate the small amount of time I actually get to enjoy on an unusually nice day. It’s not all that often I get outside, even when I do have time, so when I am out in midafternoon on a day like this where there’s little to no traffic and it’s peaceful outside, it’s hard not to notice or to get caught up in it.
  • I’m thankful that I still have relatives and friends that I could enjoy holidays like this with. There was one year – I think it was the first year I lost my license – where I spent a holiday home alone. Truth be told, I think I slept all day, so it wasn’t like I was aware i missed it until it was all over. That said, I know there won’t be many more christmases and Thanksgivings where i’ll be able to spend it with them – either I’ll find someone, the family will split apart again, a meteor will crash into the earth, causing the end of mankind – you get the idea. Most of my favorite holidays involves everyone in the family traveling to my great-grandmother’s house to celebrate, and most of the family, in one form or another, would show up. they were always boring as a kid, because the only other kids in the house would be Catherine and maybe my cousin. Those days are long gone, and will always be missed.
  • I’m most thankful, though, that I am alive and able to enjoy the fun stuff, and am able to remember such good times, and to change my life for the better. Life is gift, whether it is accidental or planned don’t matter, and we should always appreciate and be thankful for it, no matter how bad or how wonderful it may be at the time. We should always remember to keep what the holidays really mean to us within our hearts, and to be true to that which we care about.

So now that I listed what I am thankful for, why did I complain about people doing that? Most of the time, they write about this stuff beforehand, and say the things they should be thankful for. The problem with that is that what you are thankful for is dependent on feelings, and feelings you can’t control, regardless of whether or not you can prevent showing or work past them. How can you write something about how you feel about an event that has not happened yet?

Sure, you have the rare cases of people who do: the victims of disasters such as fires, tornados and floods, who may have lost a lot but still are alive and are lucky to have the family they have with them. You have families of soldiers returning home as amputees or on break, grateful that their loved one is alive. That said, the majority of us don’t have any of this, and we shouldn’t try to describe that which we do not yet understand.

Anyways, hope you had a Happy turkey day, and hope things go well for a Merry Christmas!


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