Time To Break The Silence…

A lot of stuff has been going down, and it’s time to comment.

Lay off: As of Monday, October 16th, 2006, I will be laid off from my job. Obviously, that means Tuesday, I will be at the unemployment office ready to start my vacation, however long it will be.

Seriously, though, I knew it was coming, a lot sooner than many people. Sales have been slipping the past few years, and the things I have been seeing have contributed up to this. Combined with the many problems I have and the information made available to the people in charge of these decisions, it mixes for a dangerous job situation. Attitudes have been going downhill for a while now, with the rules they keep piling on and the changes they are trying to make not necessarily being a hit for those of us actually doing the work. There are a number of factors contributing to this, and even had I been perfect – something I was a far cry from – this would have came down. (In fact, in many ways, had I been perfect, this would have came down sooner – they had talked of laying me off last year.)

So no, I am far from bitter. There’s a few things I could have done a lot differently, but the only difference it would have made is the doors that could have opened to me – which, with the weight I am at and the way I have been feeling, would have been a mute point. The next few weeks will be all about me getting healthy and better for work, and preparing and finishing the things I’ve been needing to do but have not had the time to.

When I come back, be it in December or in January, I want to outperform anything I have done in the past. the people in charge of this decision are not in Rockford, IL, they are in another state, and the only info they have of me is numbers. I’ve never really been about making the type of noise I am going to make when I return, and that’s the first thing that needs to change, because as far as I am concerned, I didn’t live up to the attitude I had a few years ago: You can’t contribute a change by sitting on the sidelines. Right now, the way I see it, I played the first and second quarters as well as I could, but this last quarter has been draining, so the coach is going to bench me for now. I know I can play, I know I can do more for the team, but I need the rest to be able to finish the game. No one want’s to be on the bench when their team is losing.

So, for those of you on lay-off, don’t think I won’t be returning. I will be back, and the me that comes back is what I see they will need. In the mean time, expect to hear more from me.

An Unusual Response: Back in the beginning of September, I wrote an article called something left unsaid. Of the many response I have, the ones that have troubled me the last few weeks couldn’t have come at a worse time.

A woman who knows my father wrote to me to respond to the many negative things I wrote about him. While I won’t go into too many details (mainly due to the fact that I have not asked her permission to), the gist is that this person – who would be his most recent lover – has not had any of the problems I have expressed on here, nor has had to worry about them. While I won’t exactly quote her, much of the information I have fits in with the information she has, to varying degrees.

Let’s get a few things straight: Yeah, I was there for my birth, but I doubt I would know what would be going on outside of the womb during much of that time. Hell, in many ways, the earliest things I remember couldn’t have been before 1980 – I remember very little of my childhood that far back. Everything I have to go on has been secondhand, and even with a DNA test I will never fully know the truth.

Because my dad chose the path he did, there is no real way again to know much of what went on in his life. As a result, the monstrosities I have of him could all very well be lies – as I said before that day, “while I have no proof of any of this, other than accounts from a number of people, What I do know is that the vast majority is true.” This is the result of many people’s input, who knew him and who knew my mom, and therefore is based on speculation. The major monstrosities like raping a woman and sleeping with a minor I have not been able to confirm nor deny, I have only heard from a few sources. And, like any good friend, I am not surprised to see her defend him and say that he did not do it.

Since I have no court records to go by on the matter, I should give him a little defense. What I have confirmed enough is the abuse and neglect – mainly neglect – towards the other women in his life. I don’t believe these were ever his intentions, and while it’s easy for me to see him as a monster, it’s easy to forget that most monsters never intend to be that way. I don’t know the full truth, I only have enough dots to connect what I do have, and that’s from both sides.

As such, I can’t say for certain that he slept with a minor has raped a woman – I was never there, never connected, all that I know is what I heard from my other siblings and from him. I have no documents in that matter to prove that he did or did not do it. As for the neglect and abuse, there’s nothing in my mind that says he didn’t do that, as there are way too many contributing forces to confirm that. that doesn’t mean he does it now – hell, she might be the best thing to happen to him – but from what Information I do have, from his kids, my family, other friends (his and my mothers), that is what i have to base on.

The important thing, to me, is not any of this, though, it is how the little bit of him being in my life has affected me. As I have stated before, him and I have only interacted a couple of times, and the first time I honestly remember – remember, kids, my parents didn’t divorce until February 1978, almost 8 months after I was born – was when I was 13. He had a chance to make things right, or to at least try to, and he blew it. I understand why he did it, and I understand how he feels, as well as how my mom feels, but I can only base on what I know. What I know, as I said before, is that he may have done the deed, been with my mom, whatever, but he is not my father, and he gave up that chance to be.

Election Time: As many people who know me already know, I hate this time of year. You turn on the Boob tube, read the newspaper, and all you see is this donkey or that elephant, or some creature we don’t even know of, claiming the donkey’s a jackass, the elephant’s a wide-ass, and anything they can throw at the unknown. Yes, kids, it’s time to hit the polls – and I’m not talking the type you see at a strip club.

This year, there’s very little that I will be voting on that will affect Washington, but plenty that affect the state. And the thing I am most annoyed of? Governor Blagojevich and Treasurer Topinka’s campaign attacks against each other. One accuses the other of not doing their job, of laundering money, of being corrupt and dishonest – neither of these two yahoos have really said anything for how they will improve the state or, more importantly, my life for their next terms. Instead, it has gone down to a kindergarten playground of kids fighting with each other.

Then there’s Doug Scott, Chuck Jefferson and Dave Syverson. A few weeks ago, Dave ran a few ads that have been hurting his campaign – namely, he’s been using stuff where those two, as well as others, are with him in a shot. Some others have griped too, one saying he never should have volunteered his comments as they don’t reflect the view of who he works for. (BTW, he works for the Rockford Park District.)

Before anyone asks, I’m in support of none of these kids, precisely for the reasons I just listed. I was glad to vote Doug Scott, and while Jefferson is the cleanest of the bunch AFAIK, the fact that he is letting his party views step in where they shouldn’t is BS. Furthermore, seeing the two kids on the playground fighting for king of the hill leads me to one conclusion: Neither of these two should be governor. If anyone comes along in the next few weeks to challenge them, I’m writing their name in. Neither the current Governor or Treasurer should be in charge of Illinois.

Come November, i am only voting for those people that I feel can and should be allowed to do the jobs they’re going for. If that means leaving some positions blank, that’s how it is. When these two kids actually say something intelligible, I’ll be ready to listen.

Finally: As you will note by my next posting, I have found a loophole in the work rules. I’m still going to maintain professional silence and not post where and who I work for, but I do need to say it in case they decide to challenge it in the future.

Until next time 😉


3 thoughts on “Time To Break The Silence…

  1. I hear what you’re saying about elections. We’re having municipal elections where I live and the noise the people are making is enough to deafen a body. I’ve also seen the ads for Michigan governors. I don’t live in the US, but if I had to live in Michigan, I’d be looking for another alternative, too. They’ve got three choices that are, as you say, kids in the sandpile about the others.

    (((hugs))) Here’s hoping that the “vacation” won’t be too long and that the company gets its act together soon. Job-hunting in the wintertime is no picnic.

  2. Believe me, I’m not worried. It’s nice to be able to relax and get normal sleep – when I’m not boiling from the heat in the apartment, that is. (I hate radiator heating. 😦 )

    Ever notice that it’s the whiny, complaining like little kids people who actually run for office most of the time? And what is sad is that we elect them into office! Pa The Tic!

  3. I’m not sure which angers me more – the people who start the hype about how bad the other person is or the people who believe that nonsense. No one’s perfect, true, but it would be nice to have a politician proclaim what he/she is hoping to accomplish, rather than decrying what his/her opponent has already done.

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