Yesterday, I wrote about how I broke my own rule and signed up with another service, and the things I learned from this. While for the most part, I was very happy with my findings, there was something I was very disturbed to see, as a trend. The majority of the women who talked to me came from bad relationships – either their lovers, be they husbands, boyfriends, or fiancee’s, beat them and abused them, cheat on them or a combination thereof.
I made a choice a long time ago not to be like my father. While i have no proof of any of this, other than accounts from a number of people, What I do know is that the vast majority is true. He was a cheat, a womanizer, and an abusive man. It is rumored that he has slept with minors, and that he has raped women. On the day I was born, my mom was left crying at the steps of her parents house while my dad went someplace else. I was not born with my father there.
Above all else, the thing that affected me the most was his not being there and denying me as a son. You can’t begin to imagine the pain I felt when he told me – over the phone, because he didn’t have the guts to meet me face-to-face – that, after spending a lot of my time as a kid searching for him, that I was not his son. Worse, he called my mom a slut, saying that she slept around on him the whole time, and that we would meet – something that never happened. To this day, I think it’s the fact that he could not tell me to my face or get the proof through DNA Testing, that he had to tell me these things over the phone.
We live in a society today in which hatred runs rampant. We hear it in our music, watch in our movies and television shows, and see it on the streets. We go to work to it, shop in it, eat while it goes on, sleep and sometimes even dream about it. I can accept all of this, to a degree – hatred is a feeling, and just like any other feeling a person can have, there is no reason to stop the art or creativity that flows from this.
That degree ends, though, when it is inflicted upon another human being. There is no reason to see this on the daily news, on reality shows like Cops and America’s Most Wanted, or in real life. This goes double for those you love: There is simply no reason to excude any anger or malice towards your loved ones in any way that could hurt or kill them. There is no reason to cheat on her, to rape and abuse her, or to mistreat her for any reason. If she does that you, it’s one thing; but do the world and everyone who cares about you a favor and get rid of her instead of abusing and lying to her.
I made a choice, and I paid a higher cost than even I imagined I would for this choice. My hatred of my father ate me inside, allowing me to miss the mistakes I am now trying to fix. It made it easy to push people – that I deeply and truly cared about and wanted around – away from me, and left me in a world of pain as a result. It left me to learn a lot of things about life and love at a later stage in life, when I should have a (semi) normal family or have at least loved once. I can’t take back this decision; I can only do my best to move forward, and to make sure others are not affected anymore by it.
If you’re abusing your woman, either verbally, mentally or physically, do yourself a favor and seek help. If you truly don’t love her, don’t cheat on her; tell her the truth and walk away from the relationship. If she’s not satisfying you, do everything within your power to make it work first before giving up.
If you’re raping her, or taking it beyond any form of abuse, do me a favor: Kill yourself. If I see you doing it, you won’t live another day.
If you have a woman in your life, I hope she means everything to you. I hope you remind her everyday of how special it is to have someone in your life, even when the world is shit, even when those skies are grey. The truest gift she can give you – freedom from loneliness – she will give you tenfold when you remind her of your appreciation of it.
If you’re without someone, take these words to heart. There is no reason to be alone in this world. (Okay, there’s one, but there is help, even for that.) It may take some time and your own doing to find someone, but once you do, you’ll understand what I am saying.It may not be perfect – hell, it may be a rough road – but it’s worth it.
The message should be simple: love the person in your life. Don’t hurt them.