At what point do you define success or failure? Where do you determine the starting point of a chain of events?
Most people, when I talk about my license being suspended and how I hate Loves Park Police, assume that I blame them for the loss of my license. I really don’t, because I know, if I would have kept up on my insurance, like a responsible driver, and after getting screwed over the first time, having found someone different instead of giving them another chance, I probably would have avoided the suspension. It was my responsibility, and therefore my fault.
That being the case, why is it I sound mad when I talk about them? Why is it I sound like I blame them?
There is a term I use to describe what they did, as well as other events where there are many reasons behind the event, but is the point of impact where everything afterwards is icing on the cake: The Trigger Effect. In some cases, such as this one, it’s the messenger, the last cop to pull me over – and to do it twice, for two separate issues, within a month and a week. The cop is not at fault for me not having insurance, he’s at fault for failing to tell me, when I asked him to double-check me for anything else, not telling me the truth then, the first time he pulled me over. In this case, the trigger effect is negative.
In some cases, it works for something. Let’s take a person that’s on a diet. He’s probably for a few years, and has been slacking. So what would make him change, try fight his bulk to lose it? That point, that causes him to decide that he is going to lose the weight, is the trigger effect. It could be anything – the fact that he hates feeling pain just trying to get up after a spill, or it could be a kid making fun of how slow he is. It could even be that small-enough-that-geeks-can-bench-press-cutey-hot-chick that walked pst him at a buffet. Why she’s there, we’ll never know; that point where he suddenly decides to lose the weight is the result of the trigger point walking past.
So what is the Trigger point? Think of a gun for a second: When you fire, you pull on the trigger, that sets of the spring that cocks back and shoots the hammer at the bullet, thus sending the bullet into motion. It is that point, where the hammer hits the bullet, that is the trigger point: There is no stopping the bullet until it arrives at it’s destination, even if that destination is caused by a ricochet.
Sometimes they’re easy to spot: see the example above for proof. Other times, they’re not so easy.
I’m writing this to answer a question i’ve had the last couple of days. You see, a person I had been trying to hook up with finally revealed the real reason why she interest in me, and broke away from even having a friendship. (I hope she reads this and realizes that, although I’m angry at how things took place and played out, I don’t hate her, and I still consider her a friend.) One of the things she likes to say is that things are meant to happen the way that they do.
One of the things I’ve been asking myself is, what was the purpose of us getting together like we did if this was the end result? What purpose did she serve being here.
This was the only answer that could make sense. Since she popped in a couple of weeks ago, I have, with a few exceptions, changed a few of my habits. I have felt better, and was able to forget the usual depression I get around my birthday. I didn’t forget it completely, but I did forget enough to have fun.
I look in both directions for answers. A few weeks prior to us talking, I was stressed out, depressed, and angry at certain things. Afterwards – during the time we were talking – I felt great. I changed a couple of habits for a couple of weeks, I almost felt alive, and one of the things I was worried about for a while – being able to hook up with a woman – finally seemed to be playing in favor for once.
Is she the trigger point? I can’t say for certain: There are so many I could pull now that It would be difficult to see what was the trigger point for me. I think, though, that that’s the only answer, only explanation I have for why she was in my life even these few brief weeks: Sometimes it’s just too easy to miss what the people around you, that care about you, are saying; you need that something negative to show you that you’re messing up, and where you are messing up.
The choices I made that you will see tomorrow are things that I feel are necessary starting points to address if I am going to grow up and be who I say that I am. Some of them do sound silly, even to me, but they are the best explanation for what I seek. If I want to succeed and live a happier life, I either have to do something or get help. At least if I do something, I can find out how much help I do need.
So, in a way, she is a positive aspect of my life: She showed me that I don’t have a chance with anyone the way that I am. (Before you say I’m wrong, trust me when I say I do have my reasons for what I say, and it’s out of respect for that person that I don’t voice them.) She is, in essence, probably the trigger effect for the chain of events for the next six months.
If all of that confused you, know this: I have reason for what I am doing now, and a semblencve of explanation for why things played out the way they did.